Happiness is Walking Hand in Hand

So, I have a new room mate. She moved in to my very spacious and lovely two bedroom apartment mid-August. Let's call her "Pepper!" Because that name is fun!

Pepper and I have been friends for oh... 5 years or so... I would definitely call her my best friend.

We found each other at a mutual friend's birthday party. At a club. We both felt out of place, and as I stepped out to have a cigarette, she asked if she could come smoke with me. We hung out and smoked and talked for a few hours, and then went our separate ways, only to bump into each other again at the house of another mutual friend. We connected and have since grown very close.

You know that quote from Grey's Anatomy? About Meredith and Christina being each other's person?
If not, here's a link: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mackenziekruvant/your-person-as-told-by-greys-anatomy

Pepper is my person. Completely. She is an amazing, talented, kind, fun, funny, capable, hardworking woman, and I am so happy to have her in my life.

I was a little nervous about us moving in together; people always say that when best friends move in together it ruins the friendship. But you know what? I think it's made us better friends. I worked a full day, coffee in the morning, class in the afternoon, and came home cranky with a migraine. Pepper, having worked a full day herself, and in the middle of a project, have been so incredibly nurturing and loving. She cooked my soup, got me some water and an ice pack, and I am currently sitting on my couch blogging and sipping the chocolate milk she made me. I adore this woman.

So, in this season of thanksgiving, I can say that I am absolutely and completely and totally overwhelmed with gratitude for Pepper. She's one in a million, and I am so glad we clicked.

All that Noise and All that Sound

Holy Cabooses. I am BONE TIRED.

I have been SO BUSY doing ALL of the things!

Spent the summer working at the Woodland Park Zoo. Which was delightful, as usual. And it was the summer of BABIES! We had a baby porcupine (a porcupette!), THREE baby jaguar cubs (Inca, Arizona, and Kuwan), a baby giraffe, wild baby eagle fledglings, lion cubs.... ALL OF THE BABIES!

Weekends I worked for the soulless corporate machine that pays my bills.

Summer is now over, so I am Slinging Coffee, teaching two classes a week, and rehearsing for the new show I'm in. Blood Pudding with Breeders Theatre.

During that time I dated someone and was dumped. Blurg. Boys are stupid. Like, real stupid. I think my biggest issue is I made some pretty big life changes for this guy (like you do, when you think they're "the one"), and then is falls apart. At this point, I'm more annoyed than anything else. And he drank. A lot. Which, in the long run, was not going to be so good for me.

Also! Soberversary happened. I'm officially ONE YEAR sober! (One year and 15 days to be precise).

AND! I got a KITTY! My very own Kitty! She is adorable and perfect and sweet and cuddly and I love her. She is black and a year old and her name is Kess. And she's the sweetest, smartest, most amazing-est kitty ever. (Obviously, I am a very proud mommy).

Yes. So that is me. The Readers Digest Version. Obviously, lots more going on... But I'm so TIRED.

So that's enough for now.

It Feels Like I Am Just Too Close To Love You

So, here I am in Portland again.
I have an odd habit of running away every couple of months. Although I don't know if you can call it "running away", because I always tell people where I am going...
Maybe it's just a way to escape.
I don't get to take REAL vacations, so I guess this is just the next best thing. A couple of days with a friend in a city that is just far enough away that it'd be very difficult to make it a day trip.

I love this city. Close to everything. Amazing food (no, really. I had Lebanese for lunch, crepes for breakfast, thai for dinner... SO GOOD), easy to walk and navigate, super pretty (just the right color of green) and the price is fantastic (no sales tax!!!!!).

That being said, I am ready to go home and sleep in my own bed again. And my gentleman friend's bed...

Ok, here's a thing... I've been seeing this guy for over a month, we're not dating anyone else, we're not sleeping with anyone else, but whenever he introduces me to people it's "This is Kate" or (the one that really gets me) "This is my friend, Kate."

FRIEND?! Ok, ok, yes I get it. Maybe he's not ready for the term "girlfriend" and maybe he's of a mind that people don't need to know our personal business...
But when they see us kissing and cuddling and doing all the cute adorable things that couples do, they're gonna pick up on it.

Grrrrr. And he drinks too much. Not around me, anymore, thank goodness. Nipped that one in the bud fairly automatically.
"Um, yeah... I'm an alcoholic... I can't date someone with a drinking problem..."

He still drinks too much. But at least it's not around me.

What else... Oh, he's divorced. (He's 29). He's former Navy, going to college for Administration of Justice stuff, plays pool (he "plays" pool like I "play" at theatre), is a cat person, is pagan (like me) and makes me happy.
He's what I like to call a "charming asshole". He's got the whole alpha male thing going on, but he's terribly considerate, opens doors, pulls out my chair, etc...
I'd love to get him in the same room with my dad...

Ever have that moment when you realize you're dating your father? Yeah.... crap.

Wishing I had the strength to stand

Waiting.

I hate waiting.

I hate waiting at a red light, I hate waiting after I've ordered a meal, and I hate waiting in hospitals.

Also, I hate hospitals.

...Ok, hate is the wrong word. I am terrified of hospitals. The smell, the sounds, the colors and lighting. It all scares the fuck out of me. I can't handle it- the pain, the death, the noises... it all hits me like a wall the moment I walk in.

Grandma had to go to the hospital today. She's getting a kidney removed. She made it through surgery, and she's in recovery. The only question is if/when she is going to wake up. The woman is 87. She's earned the right to take her time.

But I hate waiting.

I hate this room. I hate this uncomfortable chair. I hate the smell of, and how dry my hands are from the constant sanitizing. The really shitty food. 

....I have patience. Enough to spare. I just wish it wasn't necessary.

annoyed face

Is it too much to ask people to follow thru?

If you're going to do something, do it.

If you're going to be somewhere, be there.

If you make plans with me, keep your fucking plans.

I scored awesome hockey tickets to a game tonight. Box seats, VIP parking, super freaking sweet deal. And wouldn't you know... two of my people bailed on me at the last minute. We were supposed to be leaving in less than an hour. What the fuck?! Oh, and one of those people had volunteered to drive us. RAWR.

So now, I've got tickets to give away, a carpool to organize, schedules to shift, as well as the rest of the stuff I was going to cram in to the day.

BLERG.





...On another note, I think I'm moving to Portland in the fall.

I've broken my own heart so many times, I've stopped keeping track

Soooooo I got dumped. Again.
Gahhhh. If you can really even call it that. Three Dates does not a relationship make.

Boys are dumb. Really stupid frickin dumb.

I just dont understand how you can be with a girl, and spend time with her, and snuggle and kiss and do things, and then just not call! For over a week! And then when she finally gets a hold of you, after trying and trying, cuz all she wants you to do is man the fuck up and be honest, be all... Nah, not really. But you're a kickass chick, so go get 'em!

What the fuck! Fuck you, douchebag. Yes, I'm well aware I'm a "kickass chick", you moron. I'm fucking amazing. I'm smart, and fun, and funny, and talented, and interesting, and thoughtful... I'm a fucking delight!

And I'm frustrated. So frustrated. I'm making good choices. No more sleeping with people I've just met, no more drinking, living a "healthier lifestyle" and whatnot...

But seriously! I can't keep a guy around! Not when I give it away, not when I make him work for it...
UGH. I'm 25 years old. I know I've got plenty of time to grow up and be an adult. But there is so much I want to do, and see, and be, and I would really love someone to do and see it all with!

See, this is why I date women. Because at least they (mostly) are clear about what they want! Crazy, yes. But clear. And not so goddam stupid all the time. RAWR.

See there's a reason a good looking, well employed man of his age is still single. I don't know what it is, but it's probably because he's a dumbass.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Rant rant rant.