I'd rather...

I'd rather be nine people's favorite thing than a hundred people's ninth favorite thing. -[TOS]

This is what I call a Quotes Post. Things I've found, or friends have found for me, that I like or feel close to. Enjoy

“I’m in love with everyone I’ve ever met in one way or another. I’m just a crazy, unhinged disaster of a human being.”
- Edie Sedgwick    
And yes. This is so, so true for me.

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -Robert A Heinlein
This is a thought that gives me great comfort when working with the public.

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." -Buddah
This gives me so much peach. It's incredible.

"You simply can't make someone love you if they don't. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the kind of love you must want." -Israel Horovitz
How freaking true.

 

Big Girls Don't Cry

...But they are fully allowed to whine.

I have to go to a wedding this June. In Spokane. A friend is getting married, and they're having a nice, big, fancy, foofy ceremony at a Winery, with a semi-formal reception to follow.
I think that's great. I am so happy they are able to afford and create what is sure to be a beautiful and very enjoyable event.
But I'm poor. Really freakin poor. Live below the poverty line, eat one meal a day, kind of poor. And I can't really afford the gas to drive the 5-fucking-hours it will take me to get there. Or the hotel/motel room I'm going to have to book so I have somewhere to stay so I don't have to start my 5 hour drive home tipsy at 11pm. AND I'll have to take the whole weekend off work. Not just the day, the weekend. To drive there, stay there, and drive back. And I think the part I'm most bitter and annoyed about, more than the money, the drive, the loss of work, is the fact that I'm doing it all alone.

I have no date. I am dateless. I'm gonna be that awkward single girl at the fancy wedding. Again.

Yes, my girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. Yes, I haven't been on a real date with a guy in, I'm gonna go ahead and say, 18 months. I haven't "hung out" with anyone romantically worthwhile in years. I'm settle-down and raise a family girl. Not that I want to immediately, but that's my plan for the long term. And my two best options are gay men who may also someday want to have a family.
I am so tired of wasting my time on people who don't pan out; who are trashy, unmotivated, irresponsible, and have no desire to further a life or relationship with me. I'm tired of Seattle Men.

Ugh. And I just don't feel right about asking a friend. I can't ask someone to just give up a weekend to sit in a car, rub elbows with people they don't know, and share a shoddy room with me. It's not fair.

So, I'll suck it up, go to the wedding, probably have a nice time, and sleep in a shitty hotel. I'll smile, and be polite, and say all the right things. But right now, this moment, I think I'm allowed to be annoyed.

End Whine.

Maybe I Like It This Way

Choices.

Every action will have and equal and opposite reaction. Right? I mean, that's what we all learned in school. That in everything there is a cause and effect, every choice you make will have repercussions.
And the worst choices are the ones where you don't know if they were wrong or not.

When you know that you can only open the window a crack, because you're not allowed to walk in the door. The door is off limits. The most you get is peeking through the window. And sometimes it's not enough. But you never knew that, because you never even thought of the door as an option. Until it wasn't allowed to be an option anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... relationships are complicated.

What do you do? When your conscience is confused. I've talked it over. I've gone to someone else. I didn't do anything wrong... But why do I feel guilty?


...Boys are dumb