You are the answer to a question that I never posed

It's easy to say "I love you anyway" but I don't. I love you because.

I just got back from the fantastic matinee performance of Spring Awakening at Balagan Theatre. It was incredible. It made me fall in love with theatre - modern theatre- all over again. I had a few friends in the show, and it was wonderful just watching them shine. And, of course, I was once again filled with a deep longing. A need. A yearning.
I must perform.
Several moments, I felt tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't even remember starting to cry. There were a select few moments in the show that I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck literally stand on end. I actually got goosebumps. But that's what good theatre does.
Not to say that this is a show for everyone. It certainly isn't. I'd rate it NC-17. PG-13 at the very very very least. It's not a show for the masses. It's a show for the few. For the young. For the rebels. For the confused. For the desperate. For the ones who need to make a difference, who need to belong, who need to question.
It's a show, in essence, about sex. And there's nothing wrong with that. But our society is still so sheltered, sex is still so taboo. And don't even mention masterbation!
I looked up the youtube video for the Tony performance. They can say the word "Bitch" onstage, but all the lyrics referring to masturbation or wet dreams had to be changed. Interesting they way society has evolved. And hasn't.
But, back to my origional point. The show was fantastic, and it filled me with the hunger for the stage. Again. As usual.
Now, I've got my own show coming up. It opens on Thursday, actually. (Whoops!)
But GOD I wish I could do a show about something revolutionary. A show with a message.
Which is why I enjoyed HAIRSPRAY so much I think. (I was just in HAIRSPRAY with Seattle Musical Theatre. I was Tracy. It was awesome). That show had several clear messages: Racism is dumb. Segregaion is wrong. Big people can be pretty.
I just... need to be in a musical again. A revolutionary musical. A show where my soul soars and my heart goes crazy and I fall in love with my life all over again every single night.
I need to act. It's who I am.