...But they are fully allowed to whine.
I have to go to a wedding this June. In Spokane. A friend is getting married, and they're having a nice, big, fancy, foofy ceremony at a Winery, with a semi-formal reception to follow.
I think that's great. I am so happy they are able to afford and create what is sure to be a beautiful and very enjoyable event.
But I'm poor. Really freakin poor. Live below the poverty line, eat one meal a day, kind of poor. And I can't really afford the gas to drive the 5-fucking-hours it will take me to get there. Or the hotel/motel room I'm going to have to book so I have somewhere to stay so I don't have to start my 5 hour drive home tipsy at 11pm. AND I'll have to take the whole weekend off work. Not just the day, the weekend. To drive there, stay there, and drive back. And I think the part I'm most bitter and annoyed about, more than the money, the drive, the loss of work, is the fact that I'm doing it all alone.
I have no date. I am dateless. I'm gonna be that awkward single girl at the fancy wedding. Again.
Yes, my girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. Yes, I haven't been on a real date with a guy in, I'm gonna go ahead and say, 18 months. I haven't "hung out" with anyone romantically worthwhile in years. I'm settle-down and raise a family girl. Not that I want to immediately, but that's my plan for the long term. And my two best options are gay men who may also someday want to have a family.
I am so tired of wasting my time on people who don't pan out; who are trashy, unmotivated, irresponsible, and have no desire to further a life or relationship with me. I'm tired of Seattle Men.
Ugh. And I just don't feel right about asking a friend. I can't ask someone to just give up a weekend to sit in a car, rub elbows with people they don't know, and share a shoddy room with me. It's not fair.
So, I'll suck it up, go to the wedding, probably have a nice time, and sleep in a shitty hotel. I'll smile, and be polite, and say all the right things. But right now, this moment, I think I'm allowed to be annoyed.
End Whine.
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
You are the answer to a question that I never posed
It's easy to say "I love you anyway" but I don't. I love you because.
I just got back from the fantastic matinee performance of Spring Awakening at Balagan Theatre. It was incredible. It made me fall in love with theatre - modern theatre- all over again. I had a few friends in the show, and it was wonderful just watching them shine. And, of course, I was once again filled with a deep longing. A need. A yearning.
I must perform.
Several moments, I felt tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't even remember starting to cry. There were a select few moments in the show that I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck literally stand on end. I actually got goosebumps. But that's what good theatre does.
Not to say that this is a show for everyone. It certainly isn't. I'd rate it NC-17. PG-13 at the very very very least. It's not a show for the masses. It's a show for the few. For the young. For the rebels. For the confused. For the desperate. For the ones who need to make a difference, who need to belong, who need to question.
It's a show, in essence, about sex. And there's nothing wrong with that. But our society is still so sheltered, sex is still so taboo. And don't even mention masterbation!
I looked up the youtube video for the Tony performance. They can say the word "Bitch" onstage, but all the lyrics referring to masturbation or wet dreams had to be changed. Interesting they way society has evolved. And hasn't.
But, back to my origional point. The show was fantastic, and it filled me with the hunger for the stage. Again. As usual.
Now, I've got my own show coming up. It opens on Thursday, actually. (Whoops!)
But GOD I wish I could do a show about something revolutionary. A show with a message.
Which is why I enjoyed HAIRSPRAY so much I think. (I was just in HAIRSPRAY with Seattle Musical Theatre. I was Tracy. It was awesome). That show had several clear messages: Racism is dumb. Segregaion is wrong. Big people can be pretty.
I just... need to be in a musical again. A revolutionary musical. A show where my soul soars and my heart goes crazy and I fall in love with my life all over again every single night.
I need to act. It's who I am.
I just got back from the fantastic matinee performance of Spring Awakening at Balagan Theatre. It was incredible. It made me fall in love with theatre - modern theatre- all over again. I had a few friends in the show, and it was wonderful just watching them shine. And, of course, I was once again filled with a deep longing. A need. A yearning.
I must perform.
Several moments, I felt tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't even remember starting to cry. There were a select few moments in the show that I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck literally stand on end. I actually got goosebumps. But that's what good theatre does.
Not to say that this is a show for everyone. It certainly isn't. I'd rate it NC-17. PG-13 at the very very very least. It's not a show for the masses. It's a show for the few. For the young. For the rebels. For the confused. For the desperate. For the ones who need to make a difference, who need to belong, who need to question.
It's a show, in essence, about sex. And there's nothing wrong with that. But our society is still so sheltered, sex is still so taboo. And don't even mention masterbation!
I looked up the youtube video for the Tony performance. They can say the word "Bitch" onstage, but all the lyrics referring to masturbation or wet dreams had to be changed. Interesting they way society has evolved. And hasn't.
But, back to my origional point. The show was fantastic, and it filled me with the hunger for the stage. Again. As usual.
Now, I've got my own show coming up. It opens on Thursday, actually. (Whoops!)
But GOD I wish I could do a show about something revolutionary. A show with a message.
Which is why I enjoyed HAIRSPRAY so much I think. (I was just in HAIRSPRAY with Seattle Musical Theatre. I was Tracy. It was awesome). That show had several clear messages: Racism is dumb. Segregaion is wrong. Big people can be pretty.
I just... need to be in a musical again. A revolutionary musical. A show where my soul soars and my heart goes crazy and I fall in love with my life all over again every single night.
I need to act. It's who I am.
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